It’s 2025, and I find myself navigating the complexities of adulthood with a sense of freedom and potential. Recently graduated, I’m filled with hope for the future, eager to establish myself in my career, travel, and experience life in ways that weren’t possible when I was tied to the routines of school. But despite my excitement, I can’t escape a constant, ever-growing pressure from my mother to get married.
I know, I know this may sound like a “first-world problem” to some. After all, aren’t marriage and family pillars of our society? Isn’t it what we’re taught to aspire to from a young age? But let me explain why this pressure feels so heavy, especially when I’m in a place where I want to focus on my career and my personal growth first.
My mother, like many others, grew up in an era where the primary goal for women was to marry young, settle down, and have children. While this mindset was once a societal norm, I’ve spent my adult years in an entirely different world. I live in a generation where women can pursue careers, travel, and explore their identities without necessarily following a traditional path. Still, it’s hard to shake the values ingrained in our upbringing, and for my mother, marriage is the natural next step for me after graduation.
From the time I turned 18, the questions started. “When will you find someone special?” “What are you waiting for?” “You’re not getting any younger, you know.” At first, I tried to brush it off, thinking that maybe it was just a phase. But now, at 22, the questions have only intensified. It’s as if my worth, my success, and my future depend entirely on finding a life partner. Whenever I achieve something, whether it’s a career milestone or a personal accomplishment, the first thing she says isn’t, “I’m so proud of you” or “Look at how far you’ve come,” but “Have you met anyone yet?”
Sometimes, the pressure feels suffocating. There are days when I can’t help but wonder if my achievements mean anything to her if I don’t have a husband to accompany them. It’s as if the weight of her expectations overshadows my own desires and aspirations. I’ve had to explain time and time again that I’m not in any rush. I want to get to know myself better, explore the world, and dive into the career I’ve worked so hard to build. Yet, these explanations seem to fall on deaf ears, as if they don’t quite align with the narrative she has for my life.
What makes this even more difficult is the cultural backdrop. Coming from a family where marriage is seen as the ultimate milestone, anything less feels like a failure. In my culture, getting married young is not just an individual choice it’s a reflection of how well you’ve been raised, your value as a person, and your success in life. This societal expectation is amplified by my mother’s own experiences, where she felt societal and familial pressure to marry young. But while she may have followed that path, it’s not one that resonates with me. I’m in a completely different time and place, where I’m discovering that there’s more to life than just a wedding day.
And yet, this reality often clashes with my mother’s persistent wish for me to marry. It’s not just the question of whether I’m dating or seeing someone, but the judgment that comes with it. There have been countless times where she’s pointed out my single status with a tone of concern, as if I’m missing out on some essential part of life. “Your friends are all in relationships,” she’ll say, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend? What’s wrong with you?”
This scrutiny makes me feel as though my singlehood is something to be fixed, something I should be ashamed of. But I’m not ashamed. I’m not ready to settle down yet, and I don’t think that’s something I should have to apologize for. I believe that marriage is a significant commitment that shouldn’t be rushed, and if I’m going to choose a partner, it should be someone I can build a future with not just someone to appease societal or familial expectations. I want to make this decision for myself, not because it’s what’s expected of me.
Perhaps most challenging is the sense of guilt that comes with the pressure. Every time my mother brings up marriage, I feel a twinge of guilt for not fulfilling what she believes is my duty as a daughter. There’s a subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) sense of disappointment in her eyes when I explain that marriage is not something I’m focused on right now. It’s as though she sees it as a failure on my part, as if I’ve let her down for not following the “right” path.
But I’m learning to recognize that this pressure, while well-meaning, is rooted in her own expectations and experiences, not in my desires. It’s a reflection of the values she was raised with, and the world she navigated, but it’s not my world. I know that I have every right to carve out my own journey one that may or may not include marriage at this point in my life.
To my mother, and to all the parents out there who feel this pressure to see their children married, I ask for understanding. Yes, marriage can be a beautiful and meaningful part of life, but it’s not the only part. We live in a time where we can choose our own paths, and not everyone follows the same blueprint. I am proud of my achievements, my independence, and my choices, even if they don’t align with what you envisioned for me. I am learning to trust myself and my journey, and I hope that, one day, you’ll understand that I am not incomplete without a partner. I am whole, as I am.
As for me, I will continue to focus on building the life I want, at my own pace. Marriage may come, or it may not. But whatever happens, it will be on my terms not because of the expectations of others.
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