Yomi Fabiyi claims that an unhealed parent is a child’s first enemy.

Parenting is one of the most significant roles any individual can undertake, yet it is often approached without adequate preparation, self-awareness, or emotional healing. Nigerian actor and filmmaker Yomi Fabiyi has sparked a deep conversation about the impact of unhealed trauma in parenting, stating that “A child’s first enemy is an unhealed parent.” This statement is a powerful reflection on how a parent’s unresolved emotional wounds, psychological struggles, and past traumas can negatively affect their child’s upbringing, shaping their worldview, self-esteem, and future relationships.

Understanding the Concept of “Unhealed Parents”

An unhealed parent refers to a mother or father carrying deep-seated emotional pain, whether from childhood abuse, neglect, toxic relationships, or societal pressures. These wounds, when left unaddressed, often manifest in their parenting style—sometimes as anger, emotional neglect, overprotection, or even manipulation.

Many parents unknowingly project their unresolved pain onto their children, continuing cycles of dysfunction, emotional abuse, and generational trauma. For example, a parent who grew up in an environment where affection was scarce may struggle to express love, thereby making their child feel unloved or unworthy. Similarly, a parent who suffered constant criticism may become overly critical of their child, unknowingly repeating the same damage that was once inflicted upon them.

Signs of an Unhealed Parent

Fabiyi’s statement sheds light on several behaviors that indicate unhealed wounds in a parent, including:

1. Emotional Reactivity – Parents who have unresolved trauma often react emotionally rather than responding rationally. They may yell, withdraw, or become easily triggered by minor issues, leaving the child feeling unsafe.
2. Overcompensation or Overprotection – Some parents, in an attempt to prevent their children from experiencing the pain they endured, become overly controlling. This deprives children of independence and the ability to learn from their own experiences.
3. Neglect or Emotional Unavailability – Unhealed trauma can make a parent emotionally distant, making it difficult for them to provide warmth, comfort, or validation. This can lead to children developing insecurities and attachment issues.
4. Repeating Toxic Patterns – A parent who experienced abuse may either continue the cycle by becoming abusive or go to the extreme opposite, allowing their child to behave without boundaries.
5. Seeking Validation Through Their Child – Some parents project their unmet dreams and aspirations onto their children, forcing them into careers, lifestyles, or relationships that do not align with their true selves.

How Unhealed Parents Become a Child’s First Enemy

Fabiyi’s assertion implies that a child’s biggest struggle in life often begins at home. Instead of receiving unconditional love, guidance, and support, a child raised by an emotionally wounded parent may face:

• Lack of Self-Worth – Constant criticism or emotional neglect makes children doubt their worth. They grow up seeking validation from others, which may lead to unhealthy relationships.
• Fear and Anxiety – A home filled with unpredictability, shouting, or aggression can lead to a child developing anxiety disorders or emotional instability.
• Toxic Relationship Patterns – Children subconsciously learn how to relate to others from their parents. If they grow up in a household where love is conditional or abusive, they may replicate similar relationships in adulthood.
• Inability to Process Emotions – When parents suppress their emotions or avoid discussing painful topics, children learn to do the same, leading to emotional repression.

Breaking the Cycle: Healing for Parents and Children

While an unhealed parent can inadvertently become a child’s first enemy, the good news is that healing is possible. Here are some steps parents can take to break the cycle:

1. Self-Reflection and Awareness – Parents must first recognize their emotional wounds and acknowledge how they may be affecting their children. This requires deep introspection and, sometimes, professional guidance.
2. Therapy and Counseling – Seeking help from psychologists, therapists, or support groups can help parents process their past trauma and develop healthier emotional responses.
3. Practicing Emotional Regulation – Parents should learn techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, and conscious breathing to manage emotional reactions and create a more nurturing home environment.
4. Breaking Harmful Patterns – If a parent recognizes that they are repeating toxic behaviors from their own childhood, they must actively work to change their approach. This may involve improving communication, showing more affection, or allowing their children more autonomy.
5. Apologizing and Rebuilding – A parent who realizes they have hurt their child emotionally should not be afraid to apologize. A heartfelt apology and a commitment to change can help repair strained relationships.

Yomi Fabiyi’s statement, “A child’s first enemy is an unhealed parent,” serves as a wake-up call for parents to heal from their past wounds to avoid transferring pain to the next generation. While parenting is an imperfect journey, self-awareness, healing, and emotional growth can ensure that children are raised in a loving and supportive environment. The most valuable gift a parent can give their child is not material wealth, but emotional stability, understanding, and unconditional love.

By addressing their inner struggles, parents can transform from being their child’s unconscious enemy to their strongest ally, shaping a future where love, empathy, and healing replace generational trauma.